Taylor+Mali

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 * Depression, Too, Is a Kind of Fire**
 * By: Taylor Mali**

I’m an idiot because once before we were married she asked me whether I knew that we would not be having children if we did get married, and I said yes.

And because she knew I was lying, she asked if I was really okay with that. And because I’m an idiot I said yes again.

And once during a fight, not married more than two years, she said she felt like my first wife, and I, like an idiot, assured her that she was.

She worked out at the gym five times a week and smoked as many packs of ultra lights, and I’m an idiot because when I asked her why, She said, //Because I hate myself and I want to die//. And I laughed and said something I don’t recall, something completely and utterly insufficient.

From the roof of our apartment, I saw 40 or 50 people jump from the towers on a Tuesday morning—we used to be able to see them to the south, just as, to the north, we can still see (and by “we” I guess I mean now just me) the Empire State Building, which still steeps me in gratitude because I’m an idiot— out of the smoke with arms flailing. And I swear I saw a perfect swan.

And I was going to write a poem about how fire is the only thing that can make a person jump out a window.

And maybe I’m an idiot for thinking I could have saved her— call me her knight in shattered armor— could have loved her more, or told her the truth about children.

But depression, too, is a kind of fire. And I know nothing of either.

I’m an idiot because once before we were married she asked me whether I knew that we would not be having children if we did get married, and I said yes.

And because she knew I was lying, she asked if I was really okay with that. And because I’m an idiot I said yes again.

And once during a fight, not married more than two years, she said she felt like my first wife, and I, like an idiot, assured her that she was.

She worked out at the gym five times a week and smoked as many packs of ultra lights , and I’m an idiot because when I asked her why, She said, //Because I hate myself and I want to die//. And I laughed and said something I don’t recall, something completely and utterly insufficient.

From the roof of our apartment, I saw 40 or 50 people jump from the towers on a Tuesday morning— we used to be able to see them to the south, just as, to the north, we can still see (and by “we” I guess I mean now just me) the Empire State Building, which still steeps me in gratitude because I’m an idiot — out of the smoke with arms flailing. And I swear I saw a perfect swan.

And I was going to write a poem about how fire is the only thing that can make a person jump out a window.

And maybe I’m an idiot for thinking I could have saved her— call me her knight in shattered armor — could have loved her more, or told her the truth about children.

__ But depression, too, is a kind of fire __. And I know nothing of either.

Repitition: It repeats "I'm an idiot" five times. Malapropism: "knight in shattered armor" This is a malapropism because the saying is "night in shining armor", but Taylor Mali intentionally changes the saying to shattered because that is what has happened to his marriage. Simile: "we used to be able to see them from the south, just as, to the north, we can still see (and by "we" I guess I mean now just me) the Empire State Building" This quote is a simile because it compares being able to seeing the people who jumped off the towers to being able to see the Empire State Building. Personification: "the Empire State Building, which still steeps me in gratitude" The Empire State Building can't show feeling. Irony: "She worked out at the gym five times a week and smoked as many packs of ultra lights" This is ironic because she works out to stay in shape, but the ultra lights are very unhealthy. Symbol: "perfect swan" The swan is a swan dive. The fact that the swan dive was perfect symbolizes that his wife was perfect for him and beautiful and amazing until she became depressed. Even when she was plumeting to her death he still saw her as his perfect wife. Foreshadowing : "And I was going to write a poem about how fire is the only thing that can make a person jump out a window." "But depression, too, is a kind of fire." The first quote foreshadows that Taylor Mali is going to write about what else can make a person jump out of a window and in the second quote he does. __Metaphore__: "But depression, too, is a kind of fire." This is comparing depression to fire because they will both make a person jump out a window.

Key Words and Phrases: "I'm an idiot" "perfect swan" "knight in shattered armor" "depression, too, is a type of fire" "I know nothing of either" "steeps me in gratitude"

Why did you choose this poem? I chose this poem because I knew some one who was depressed and they took it out on everyone around them. Nothing is every good enough and those who are depressed and they always binge. In the poem it was on ultra lights but for the person I knew it was chocolate. It was hard to watch them be so upset everyday when I couldn't understand what was wrong. She would yell, but I couldn't get mad at her because I new it wasn't her fault. It was a lot like in the poem when he "asked her why, [and] She said, //Because I hate myself and I want to die//." Then he said something insufficeint and so did I when the person I knew would get depressed. I never knew what to say to make her feel better. I never knew what the best think to say was, no matter how hard I tried to make her feel better. Most of the time I would try to ignore it, but often times I would be upset because of how depressing she was. I chose this poem because Taylor Mali is right; "depression is a type of fire too."

What is the theme? The theme of the poem is that depression is a type of illness that can cause some one to comit suicide, no matter what anyone says or does. Depression is not something that can be easily cured by a few nice words, it requires a lot of help. In the poem he says "And maybe I’m an idiot for thinking I could have saved her—call me her knight in shattered armor—could have loved her more, or told her the truth about children. But depression, too, is a kind of fire." This means that even if he had told her the truth it would not have helped because depression is not something that just goes away. Therefore, I think that the theme is that if a person that you know commits suicide it does not mean that you are to blame because depression is not easily cured.